Crisis of Faith
by Bre'Lakor
Summary: After over a year of reflecting in solitude, N returns to find the one person he tried to convince himself he didn't deserve was still there, waiting for him. Please read the note at the begining of this story first!


_Please note: I do not claim to be familiar with or well versed with the world/fandom that is pokemon. Please do not rage at me or be offended if some of the ideas I use are incorrect or false – I am only writing this to vent my own thoughts/ideas from Pokemon Black and White._

_Now that is over, on to more cheery things! I think I am oddly infatuated with N... It must be the long hair. Sigh... Oh, and thank you to Sofia Merriweather for pointing out what charname's name is actually meant to be! :) (Yes I am retarded when it comes to pokemon, I know this! I think I will just stick with 'Touko' because Hilda is ewwy to me...)_

_Finally, I do not own pokemon or any of its related characters! (I also appreciate feedback but will not demand it!)_

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><p><strong>Crisis of Faith<strong>

"N, wait!"

Touko noticed her rival freeze at her call, glancing hesitantly over his shoulder at her with his hand already stretched out in approach of his reshiram. His lips quirked upwards ever so slightly in a vague smile and she thought she heard him laugh softly at something, before frowning and seeing his expression sober.

"I think it would be best if I leave for now, Touko. Even if not because of what I have done, I need the time to reflect myself."

"So you're just going to leave? Forever?"

"No," he replied, turning around to face her with a faint smile on his features. "Not forever, but for now, yes."

He reached his hand out then, trailing it idly over her cheek before coming to rest along her jaw. Her heart skipped a beat at the feel and she furrowed her brow, hoping more than anything that the occasional glances and moments they had shared over the last months had not been completely one sided. It irritated her slightly to admit it, but from the first moment she had met him she had become hopelessly infatuated with him.

He had a kind of determination and self belief that inspired awe and respect, even if his views had been at least partially questionable. She knew he wasn't a bad person, his mentor, Ghetsis, had been the true evil, and she had been more than relieved when Alder had agreed that N was not to be punished. It also didn't help that N was remarkably attractive, and every shy smile and awkward moment they had spent alone with each other usually left her slightly short of breath and flustered.

When she had seen what he had done to the Pokemon League her heart had almost broken, before swelling with care and admiration when he had stood against Ghetsis and aided her in her battle against his mentor. And now... now he was leaving, without any promise of return.

"I am glad it was you who was my undoing," he whispered, snapping her from her thoughts. "I almost wonder if your beauty distracted me from performing at my best."

"I-"

"Shh," he interrupted softly, trailing his thumb over her lips and taking a step closer. "Do not make leaving any harder for me than it already is."

Before she was given the chance to reply she felt his lips on hers. They were just as soft and gentle as she had imagined, and she felt her cheeks heat before feeling his free arm curl around her waist and coax her closer. She complied without giving it much thought, reaching her hands up and hooking them around his neck as he inclined his head to deepen the kiss. Eventually she felt him pull back, breaking away and staring at her in silence as his hand absent-mindedly caressed her cheek.

They stood in silence for several minutes, before she heard him sigh and his brow crease. Seconds later his hand dropped from her face and he stepped away, glancing away and narrowing his eyes at the ground in what she could only assume was a vague anger or irritation. After almost a minute his expression lifted and he looked back, smiling gently at her.

"Good bye, Touko," he murmured, before turning on his heel and not waiting for her reply.

He stepped up to his Reshiram and reached a hand out towards it, the pokemon's flowing fur circling around his fingers before he leant forward and climbed onto it's back. He glanced back at her briefly and she blinked in surprise, wondering if perhaps the faint glitter of tears on his cheeks was just her imagination.

"N!" She gasped out his title before thinking, noticing his attention snap away from her in response. "Wait!"

He ignored her, instead urging his pokemon forward and diving off into the sky. She ran to the ledge then, halting abruptly and locking her eyes onto his disappearing form. She wasn't sure how long she stood there staring into the sky, but she knew it was well after he disappeared from her view. Eventually the sound of footsteps dragged her from her thoughts and she glanced behind her, finding her gaze land on Alder and Cheren, before sighing audibly and reaching a hand up to wipe the tears from her eyes in an admit to hide her distress.

o0o

He couldn't believe he'd managed to become so infatuated with her. He, N, the failed hero of Unova, of all people should have been the last person to falter because of _feelings_. He'd almost not been able to leave at all, all he had wanted was to take Touko into his arms and hold her until the world fell apart around them. But he couldn't... he had to leave, staying would have been awkward at best. He knew remaining would have created unnecessary tension between he and the authorities, and while he would have gladly endured it to be at her side, he still needed the opportunity to reflect on his life and what had happened up until then.

But ever since he left... ever since that one kiss they had shared... she haunted him constantly. He had woken up from sleep far too many times drenched in what he knew was anything but sweat and longing for the feel of her lips on his again. She had enchanted him ever since they first met, her hopeless naivety, her devotion and belief in her pokemon... but most of all, her trust. Everyone else she travelled with only saw him for the monster that Ghetsis had tried to force him to be, but she? It was almost as if she pitied him.

She never judged him for his beliefs or opinions, sure she openly agreed with her friends that she didn't share his views, but she understood that even his beliefs had some kind of merit and good in them. In addition to that she treated her pokemon with love and respect – the perfect example of a trainer who truly cared for their companions. He could still vividly remember staring at her in disbelief when she hugged her litwick after they defeated him one time. She had befriended and trusted a pokemon most people would scorn and reject, and yet... she had knelt there, laughing softly as her creature's soft flame tickled her fingers.

He wasn't sure how long they had been apart, wasn't sure how many nights he had spent awake aching for her... he had stopped counting after the first month. He had only returned to civilisation for a day before hearing reports of her in the news and from people gossiping. She was somewhat of a hero from what he could gather. Defeating the champion for a second time in addition to the title of apparently saving Unova from the evil of Team Plasma. It killed him to see pictures of her flashing across the news every so often, awakening a whole new level of desires and longing in him that, more than often, left him in a tangled wreck for most of the evening. He had, for the most part, taken to completely avoiding any kind of contact with the media in hopes of reducing the chances of seeing her, and as such he now found himself staring out into the ocean from his perch next to Nimbasa's Ferris wheel.

She deserved so much better than him he thought, she deserved... he wasn't quite sure what exactly, but he was positive it wasn't him. At the very least, she shouldn't be with someone as broken and tainted as he was... not when she could do so much better. She deserved to be with some righteous champion, he had decided, and a very large part of him was still trying to convince himself that his own disgrace was the main reason he hadn't returned to trying to find her since they had separated.

He heart footsteps approaching that drew him from his thoughts, but he ignored it, assuming them to be another tourist or resident from the city that would likely pass by him without sparing a second glance. Fortunately, most people didn't seem to be able to recognise him aside from those that had been in the Pokemon League at the time of the incident there. The sound of footsteps came to a stop behind him and he frowned, before shrugging and continuing to stare out to sea. After several minutes he heard a quiet cough behind and felt confusion rising in him as he noted the person who he assumed to be a tourist had not left.

"N..."

He froze at the sound of his title being called. It sounded like _her. _He was hallucinating, it was the only possible explanation. After all, he had all too frequently imagined seeing her in front of him for the last few months because of his own desire for it to be so.

"N," the voice called again, before a hand touched his shoulder and he tensed instinctively.

_Hallucinations couldn't feign touch..._

Cautiously, he glanced over his shoulder and felt his breath hitch in his throat as he found her staring back at him. Before really considering it he turned around, noticing her remove her hand from him and hold his gaze in silence.

"Tou..." He gasped out before his voice faltered. "Touko?"

"You said you weren't going to leave forever," she murmured out, glancing away and causing his brow to crease in concern as he noted the hurt and anger in her voice.

"It is not forever yet..."

"A year is close enough!" she spat out, making him cringe slightly at the volume of her speech. Her gaze snapped back to his then, firmly locking onto him and causing his heart to clench painfully as he noted the tears forming in her eyes.

"You said you'd come back... you said..." Her voice drifted off into silence and she let out a shuddering gasp, cursing audibly and flinching away as he tried to reach for her.

"It is not quite that simple," he replied softly. "I have had all my beliefs and views thrown into disarray, it takes awhile to sort such things out."

"I thought you cared..." she whispered in response, her gaze turning to accusation.

"I do," he blurted out hastily before considering what he was saying and grimacing. He paused then, attempting to gather his thoughts for several minutes as her brow furrowed at him.

"Ever since I left, I..." He stopped, hesitating and sighing before continuing. "You have haunted me constantly, both in my dreams and waking hours. I would have returned, but... I didn't think you wanted, no – deserved, such a wretched creature as myself."

"I don't give a damn what I deserve!" She yelled, her eyes flickering with anger as she choked back a sob. "Let those screaming girls take the men the media believes I should be with, I don't care! I..."

Her voice drifted into silence then before she sighed and her features softened. "All I want is you..."

"What-" he started before cutting himself off, silently cursing the slight jump in his heartbeat as he realised his feelings were not entirely one sided.

"You..." He tried to start another sentence but failed again. "Touko, I-"

"Stop talking," she interrupted, grasping his face in her hands before he had the opportunity to move away and crashing her lips against his.

He froze under her at first, before feeling his own greedy desire and affection well up inside him and causing him to hungrily return the gesture. He slipped his arms around her waist swiftly, opening his mouth into the kiss and feeling her tongue curl around his as she pushed him backwards into the nearby balcony. She was all over him, her arms wrapped around his neck as her fingers tangled into his long hair, her leg hitched up at his side as he trailed his hand down to support it. He didn't even care about the disapproving whispers floating over to them from passer-bys, and judging by her reluctance to even part from him for breath, he guessed she didn't either.

Eventually she pulled away and he followed her in mild annoyance, before opening his eyes and staring at her in silence as her hand moved to idly stroke his cheek with her forehead pressed to his.

"Don't leave me again," she murmured after several minutes. "Please. I'm not sure I could handle it, and if you do, I swear I'll hunt you down myself."

"I guess I will have to stay then," he replied, hearing her laugh softly at his comment.

"I am serious though," she continued. "I will kill you myself if you disappear on me again."

"Don't worry," he said before leaning in to kiss her briefly. "I don't doubt that."

"Good," she murmured in response before pulling him in to crash her lips to his once more.

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><p><em>Is this totally unrealistic? I have a feeling it is... Oh well, I suppose...<em>


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